Today I post not of art, but of heart. Since no one is reading this yet, I feel ok with that.
I don't have regrets. I have 'woulda done differently's or even 'should I have done differently?'s. I've had these relationships in my life, which I'm sure we all have, that just resonate. They teach you lessons about your life and the way you behave with various influences. They may not have been the most serious or reasonable romances in history, but they weigh heavy on my list of experiences. I just wonder how it works out. Like, am I supposed to work harder or are they supposed to fall into place? I know marriage and relationships are hard work, but how hard should I have to try in the beginning? Hypothetically speaking, of course, if the one thing keeping you from living happily ever after were to move across the country, am I supposed do so after a few short months of heart flutters and long phone calls? If I don't, it will fizzle. It will drain the relationship to have to run on so little face time. To have to survive on text messages and memories of short visits. If I do, will it blow up in my face? Will I have shifted my entire being in order to be with someone that I've only known for a short while, only to find myself alone and unhappy in a city I don't love? Or do you just wait for things to fall into place, picking the scab every time it starts to heal?
It just seems really constricting and boring to only be with people who make sense. I guess that's my whole self-challenging hangup I have. But should I have to narrow down my options to only people in my city with my interests and my social network? I mean, there are so many wonderful people out there. How do you just settle for such small hopes? But how do you make it work when you've traveled the globe and met said wonderful people?
I guess I just wonder if/when things get emotionally symmetrical. Or at least something resembling symmetry. I'm really just asking for more of a trapezoid than a rhombus. Too much to ask? Yeah, thought so.