leaving this place...

I think I'm in denial. I'm leaving my home. This is the place I've been most comfortable for 4 years. Not this apartment, but this city. Its energy and emotion and pace. I've grown wiser and older. Sort of. I don't even know if I have. I still feel like I'm making the same mistakes, just with a bigger voice telling me, "Come on, dude. You should know better." But I'm not too worried about it. I have a feeling that this feeling is permanent.

So this place. This beautiful, friendly, loving, musical, artistic, inspiring, cold, little big city. I adore it. I leave it with a heart full of it's memories and lessons. The people here are just so fucking real. So real and flawed and beautiful. It's really hard to leave them. I've had so much fun in this place. I've worked really hard in this place. And the people with whom I've shared the fun and the work will change me forever.

What makes me feel optimistic about this loss is usual. She's always the one that makes me feel optimistic. My best friend, Alise. She knows me. Like really knows me. I don't think anyone will ever know me as well as her. I feel so lucky that someone so wonderful loves me in spite of myself. I also feel lucky that I know we will end up together again one day. Driving up and down the Pacific Coastal Highway to see one another. We'll drink cheap wine on one of our beaches and talk about our achievements and failures and loves and lusts like we always do. We will disagree and see every situation from opposite sides and meet in the middle. The middle that I like to call reality, because we are both completely insane in this wonderfully complementary way. I'm in love with our friendship. It keeps me me.

So now, I'm down to my final days in this place. Leaving all these beautiful, flawed people behind. Heading back to the beautiful, flawed people I left behind 4 years ago. I'm waiting for all of this to sink in. God help me when it does.

wishy washy flim flam.

Today I post not of art, but of heart. Since no one is reading this yet, I feel ok with that.

I don't have regrets. I have 'woulda done differently's or even 'should I have done differently?'s. I've had these relationships in my life, which I'm sure we all have, that just resonate. They teach you lessons about your life and the way you behave with various influences. They may not have been the most serious or reasonable romances in history, but they weigh heavy on my list of experiences. I just wonder how it works out. Like, am I supposed to work harder or are they supposed to fall into place? I know marriage and relationships are hard work, but how hard should I have to try in the beginning? Hypothetically speaking, of course, if the one thing keeping you from living happily ever after were to move across the country, am I supposed do so after a few short months of heart flutters and long phone calls? If I don't, it will fizzle. It will drain the relationship to have to run on so little face time. To have to survive on text messages and memories of short visits. If I do, will it blow up in my face? Will I have shifted my entire being in order to be with someone that I've only known for a short while, only to find myself alone and unhappy in a city I don't love? Or do you just wait for things to fall into place, picking the scab every time it starts to heal?

It just seems really constricting and boring to only be with people who make sense. I guess that's my whole self-challenging hangup I have. But should I have to narrow down my options to only people in my city with my interests and my social network? I mean, there are so many wonderful people out there. How do you just settle for such small hopes? But how do you make it work when you've traveled the globe and met said wonderful people?

I guess I just wonder if/when things get emotionally symmetrical. Or at least something resembling symmetry. I'm really just asking for more of a trapezoid than a rhombus. Too much to ask? Yeah, thought so.

couple, two, tree tings...

I recently caught wind of a new privacy change on Facebook that was a little unnerving. Apparently, there's a setting that is automatically turned on which allows Facebook to give away your information in order to improve your "personalized experience" on certain websites. Below you'll find instructions on how to change it!

Go to your Account > Privacy Settings > Apps and Websites.

Select "Edit Settings" in the "Instant Personalization" section.

 

Uncheck the box that allows Facebook to enable these settings.

Voila! Your internet identity remains safe... for now.

On a design note, I've been trying to design some fonts based on my own penmanship as of late, but am having a hard time with my demo of FontLab. It seems pretty straight forward, but I don't think it's allowing me to export the font as it should be due to the restricted version. Maybe eventually I'll be able to try it out on a full version. Anyway, here are samples of what I'm working on.








Edited to add:

One day, I'll be rich (purely from my artistic endeavors, of course), and I'll cover my office with this wallpaper by Marimekko.

Sigh.

recent obsession: laser-cut jewelry

Since I've been really exploring the world of vector art over the last couple years (screw you, pixels!), my eye has been caught by the presence of laser cutting lately. The smooth, streamlined look of these gorgeous products are so appealing to me, yet several of them still maintain their dreamy wistfullness. Also, just to be clear, I've definitely been researching places to outsource things like this for like 3 hours and I have some AWESOME ideas. The possibilities are endless, and they don't stop with jewelry or metal or plastic.  Here are my favorites...

I don't usually dig headbands that much, especially since those sequiny, flowery, feathery things seem to be all the rage lately, but I'm so in love with this metal cloud headband. And don't even get me started on the polaroid ring. Amazing.

(yellowgoat: etsy / blog)

For those of you who are Chicagoans, more specifically Logan Squarians, this holds a special place in my heart, as the ampersand is the logo to one of my favorite drinking spots in addition to being one of the my favorite glyphs. I love the wooden one, especially how the laser has burnt the wood around the edges.(isette)

If you know me at all, you know I love love love Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. There is a very permanent (and very unfinished) homage to the book's original illustrations marked clearly on my arm (drawn by my mother!). So it comes as no surprise that I'm obsessed with these pendants above. Not to mention my love for gnarly, leaf-bare trees, one of the only things I love about winter. (untamed menagerie)

The spider web here might be a little too goth and the mixtape a little too hipstery for me, but I love the detail of them. When I was a kid, I would help my dad rewind all of his unraveled cassette tapes, so perhaps this has a nostalgic touch for me. I don't think I have to explain how      beautiful those leaves are. God, I love fall.

(C.A.B. Fayre: etsy / blog)

Total design, Apple, and typography geek here, so the first three are just... duh. And San Francisco is always on my mind, especially since putting my current plans in motion.
(plastique)

 

 The first necklace is kind of the odd man out here. But I just think it's jagged and classy and totally rad. I've always loved honeycomb patterns, so the second one is right up my alley. Those squares are not as great as the ones above, but still pretty awesome.
(indomina: etsy / blog)

 I was born in New Jersey, grew up in Ohio, and found myself in Chicago. I want so badly to put all three of these on a chain. Of course adding California when the time is right. This girl has all 50 states and a few countries as well.
(truche)

I think these are a bit more girly and extravagant than I'd usually wear, but I can definitely see myself getting one of these for a special occasion and ending up wearing it all the time.
(traceface)

Ok. Bedtime. Hearts.

ch-ch-ch-ch-changes...

So I've started a blog! I've thought about it several times. I wasn't ever really sure what I'd write about, but after catching up on my Google Reader today, I realized my favorite blogs were the ones that didn't really have a theme. Just a glimpse into the lives of like-minded people. It's completely validating to see that not all creative and talented people have this plethora of motivation and time and productivity. It gives me hope that whatever unforeseen goals I may have are reachable, even by me. I'm going through a lot of changes in the next year, some of which include quitting my VERY consuming job a few weeks ago, leaving Chicago in a few weeks (where I've lived for 4 years), moving back home to the suburbs of Cincinnati with my (awesome) parents to save a boatload of cash, embarking on the imperative cross-country road trip that every 20-something must take, then moving to San Francisco where I will live out the larger portion of my days among the redwoods without a flake of snow in sight. And you guys will get to see this ridiculousness ensue. Congratulations!

Most of you who will read this in the beginning (if anyone will at all) already know me, but I'll be dropping some knowledge on you guys little by little. But before this post gets a little too wordy, here are some pictures!

This is a planner I designed for my sister a few years ago and gave to her for Christmas. This is an updated version, which was made MUCH better with the addition of a few gadgets (a wacom tablet, adobe indesign and a printer). I found the bird images on a public site for educational coloring book pages and traced them in illustrator. I'm hoping to find a vintage book about birds to use as the cover for it. Hitting the thrift stores tomorrow. Here are some sample pages!

A couple years ago, Blick had a HUGE canvas sale (right after payday, of course), and I stocked up on all shapes and sizes. I immediately churned out a few small paintings, but haven't painted anything but my walls (photos to come later) in well over a year (reasons to be named later). I made this for my parents for Christmas. It's one image, split between three 12" x 12" canvases.

It is an image from the song Think About Your Troubles in the animated film version of Harry Nilsson's album The Point! This is a video of the song. You'll see the image at 1:41.

Hope everyone had a fantastic new year!

-sara may